Dating – falling in love?
Objective: To
help the sec 3's understand the basis of dating, and what love between a couple
is like, according to the Bible.
Hook (20 min):
Ask the kids to name a few well know couples and ask them what they think of x
and y persons dating, and the reasons why they could be in a relationship. Also
ask them, if they could go out with anyone (doesn't have to be the
aforementioned), who, and why? What would they do?
Pray and open the session. (5 min)
Theme verse:
“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
rude, it is not proud, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it
keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. Love always trusts, always protects, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Main lesson: (35 min)
Question 1:
When we date, what are we supposed to look for in our partner?
Some answers would be:
Looks, wealth, attraction, popularity,
peer pressure, religion.
BUT....what does the Bible have to say
about choosing a woman/man?
Titus 2:1-5 ESV
But as for you, teach what accords with
sound doctrine. Older men are to be
sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in
steadfastness. Older women likewise are
to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to
teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and
children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to
their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
How
does this differ from what the world has to say about dating?
The world's idea: attraction = love =
dating = sex. Which isn't very far off from what it was supposed to be
though.... and that makes it all the more confusing =( The reason why the world
has this mindset, is simply because
1. The Bible doesn't explicitly say anything
about dating and
2. This idea carries completely no
notion of responsibility. Who doesn't want to have their cake and eat it?
However, the Bible makes it clear the
qualities that we should be looking for in a person even before we consider
dating. That's not to say that we need to look for perfect people, (cause we
can't), but rather, we need to look for people who are willing to be a man (or
woman) living the relationship that God meant.
Further verses that can guide us along
are:
1 Corinthians 11:1-34 ESV
Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. Now I commend
you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I
delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
Matthew
10:37
New International Version (NIV)
37 “Anyone who loves their father or
mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me.
This verse brings along some idea of sexism, but it
isn't true at all! It merely refers to the fact that in any relationship, God
has to be the basis of it all. If our potential partner cannot accept that God
must come first, even over the other person, then, he/she simply isn't mature
enough. I admit, I struggle with this too, but what's important is that we try.
Ezekiel 16 (The
whole chapter)
The tragedy we read
through the course of the chapter shows us that a relationship needs to go 2
ways, that commitment is essential in maintaining a relationship, which, sadly,
is lacking in many of today's relationships =((
2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Do not be
unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with
lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
This is a
controversial topic today – should Christians get into a relationship with
non-Christians? To some, it may seem elitist and exclusive, even discriminatory
to others. But the fact of the matter is simply, if one party isn’t a
Christian, it is more likely for the Christian to backslide, than for the other
party to convert. This is a sad truth that is happening all around us today. It
isn’t easy to walk the straight and narrow, especially when that someone
special doesn’t want you to.....
So.... 3 basic
things we need to look for when we date;
1.
Christ-like
2.
Willing
to have God at the centre of your relationship.
3.
Committed
It is because of
these 3, that (4) comes into play. I’m not saying that we cannot date anyone
but Christians, but we need to remember that our relationship with God must
ultimately matter more than how we feel about “that special person”.
So then, now that
we know the basics of what a Christian relationship should be like, how can we
love “that special person”?
Question 2:
Does dating a person mean that you love him/her? How do you know if you love
someone?
The world’s idea of love is very much
based on the idea of affection and feelings. This, is not wrong per se, as
feelings do abound in any non-platonic relationship. However, feelings are NOT
to be taken as the sole basis of love. In short, feelings ≠
love. What then, is love?
According to the Bible, love is:
Patient: How willing are you to wait
for that someone, regardless of what he/she is doing?
Kind: How far would you go to aid the
person?
Does not envy: When he/she becomes more
successful than you, do you get jealous? How competitive are you?
Does not boast: When YOU become
successful, do you gloat and put him/her down because he/she didn't match up?
Do you compare?
Not rude: Do you think about his/her
feelings before you talk? Do you make crude comments about/in front of him/her?
Not proud/self-seeking:Is the basis of
your relationship just to make you feel good? Are you selfishly taking and not
contributing to the relationship?
Not easily angered: Self-explanatory
Keeps no record of wrongs: Can you
forgive the person NO MATTER what he/she has done?
Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth: Can the both of us commit to a life that puts God
first, living and growing more in Him each day?=)
Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
All of this, exemplified in Christ!=)
*Use the triangle analogy* - As we grow
closer to Christ, we too, will grow closer to that special someone. That said,
the reason why we grow close to God must always be because we love God. Be
careful not to let your love for each other become the reason for growing to
close to God, because that would put the other party at the centre of your
heart, not God. It difficult to balance and handle everything, and that’s why
there’s grace=) we cant do it on our own. Focusing on God, yet not letting your
love for the other person distract us away from Him is really, really
difficult. We tend to swing towards loving the person, rather than God, for one
reason or another. Maybe tangibility, maybe a desire for satisfaction,
acceptance, etc etc....
Therefore, even as we learn more about
dating, and what love really is, the best example of love, is that of our Lord
Jesus Christ. May we seek to grow in love with Him (and each other) each day.
Done by Joshua :)
Done by Joshua :)
Guide for Lesson 5 of “Young Teens Aflame” – Dating (Male/Female)
Dear brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus our Lord
For the lesson ahead, continue to keep in mind that the ultimate
goal of our role as God-appointed leaders is to point our youths towards the
cross. I believe that keeping this in mind throughout the lesson will help us
to not only keep focussed, but to also remember why we are leading in the first
place. Allow the Spirit of God to work through you and may the God of grace
grant you all that you need to be a vessel for his ministry.
I suggest that for this lesson, the youth be split according to
gender. This is to facilitate open sharing and articulation of honest opinions
about the opposite gender, which may be more difficult to express in their
presence. However, if after reading the lesson plan you find it better to leave
them mixed, it’s fine too. (:
The lesson has been planned in a way that involves interactive
learning. It’s not obvious from the lesson plan, but there is a worksheet you
can use to encourage the youths not only to take down notes, but to think and
voice their opinions. I know this sounds clichéd, but I do believe that the
youth will absorb better if they are made to think and express themselves
during the lesson, such that the leaders and the youth have horizontal
interaction, instead of a top-down talking-to. As such, before you give them
the answers to the blanks, ask them what they think, each of them. Involve them
in your teaching, make it a to-and-fro thing, rather than a one-way
conversation. If you anticipate that the worksheet will only serve as a
distraction, one that they will be so focussed on filling all the answers into,
then please do not use it. Take and use what you deem best for your group. My
point and hope is that they will learn.
Of course, ultimately, only God can convict a man’s heart, “for it
is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose.”
(Philippians 2:13) But it is my sincere hope that all of us, as leaders,
appointed by the Lord himself, will take our roles seriously (I know I hadn’t
for most of the time) and give God our very best because truly, he deserves
nothing less.
Thank you for reading this, and may God hide you behind the cross
and anoint your lips as you bring forth his holy Word into the lives of the
youth. May you also be ministered to by the Word of God, as you prepare for and
lead this lesson. God’s grace and peace be with you all.
God loves you!
Elvira
Key verse
1 Timothy 5:1-2 “Do not rebuke and older man harshly, but exhort him
as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as
mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
Do the “Friend or Foe?” opinion poll in groups of the same gender.
Discuss the results of the poll with your youth. They will be at two
stages: those who find the opposite gender unappealing and a nuisance and those
who find them attractive and interesting.
There are 3 basic stages of development:
Stage I – Anyone and everyone is your friend regardless of gender.
You’d play with anyone and everyone is your friend, not a girlfriend or
boyfriend.
Stage II – Good friends are usually of the same gender. You are
aware of the opposite gender, and see how they are different from you, but are
uninterested in them.
Stage III – You are aware of the opposite gender and are interested
in befriending them. You are conscious of how you look and behave in front of
them.
Some of the youths are in Stage II, others in Stage III. Do take
note of who is at which stage, so that you are better aware of their needs and
can better pray for them.
Everyone will reach the third stage sooner or later and it is a
natural part of growing up. This is the stage that comes before serious dating
(serious meaning leading to marriage) and marriage. While this is most probably
not the time for serious dating* and definitely not the time for marriage, some
of the youth have already entered Stage III and it is important for them to
know how to handle this new, strange, foreign, exciting, scary phenomenon that
not all of us understand, lest we mishandle it, which will not only cause
trouble and hurt, but will also dishonour God.
*I’d say not the time at all,
but I do not want to assume that I know God’s will for every one of the youths.
It is, however, quite certain that about 99% of them are not ready for serious
dating.
First and foremost, we must ensure that all of us are on the same
page. What is the most important part of a relationship? As is the same with
all aspects of the Christian life, the most important goal in our relationships
is that God is glorified. All of our relationships must therefore be
Christ-centred. For the individual, he/she should always be striving to love
God with all his/her heart, mind, soul and strength. In a relationship, we
should therefore always show love to the other by encouraging and helping with
this striving.
Next, it is essential to understand God’s intentions and purposes in
the relationships between males and females. For those whom God wills to lead a
married life, the relationship between husband and wife is meant to be
permanent and fulfilling. In order for us to understand more about this
relationship, we must go back to the beginning.
Genesis 2:20-24
Verse 24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
I honestly do not know how to explain this verse beyond the words
themselves. It is, however, extremely clear how amazing, mind-blowing,
beautiful, lasting and important that relationship is. Jesus said, “They are no
longer two, but one.” (Mark 10:8)
For further reading, if there is time sufficient, go to Mark 10:1-12
to reinforce the meaning of this union, by looking at the meaning of
separation, divorce.
We can see that this union between man and wife is a beautiful one,
but also an extremely important one with serious implications and much, much
responsibility. While the youth may not be at the stage where they need to be
too concerned with marriage, they need to understand that which leads to
marriage, that is, dating, which is what most of them will go through, if they are
not already dating.
God intends for us to have fulfilling, Christ-centred and
God-honouring relationships with each other. If you can understand the
seriousness of marriage, then you can understand why dating needs to be treated
with the same seriousness and sense of responsibility. Relationships that are
romantic in nature must therefore begin at the right time, at the time God
wills. Premature (and all other types that are not God-willed) timing will
cause more pain and trouble than is necessary, and will also show that you are
not living and acting according to God’s will, though outwardly you proclaim to
be his child and that he is your God, thereby showing contempt for him, which
is a very, very scary thing.
So, then, how do we handle members of the opposite sex? (Note: the
following three points are not three separate points, but overlap each other.)
1.
Treat them as friends
This is the time to learn how to
develop friendships and form deep relationships with others of the same gender.
That said, it is a time for learning, and therefore an excellent opportunity to
learn more about members of the opposite gender and how to be platonic friends
with them. Encourage your youth to fiercely reject the influence of what they
see on television, in movies, magazines, on the Internet, etc, and by their own
friends and what they see in school. As children of God, we are to be following
God’s ways, not the world’s.
1 Timothy 5:1-2 “Do not
rebuke and older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat
younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters,
with absolute purity.”
God calls us, young
people, (1 Timothy is a letter written to Timothy when he was a young man) to
treat others as brothers and sisters and with “absolute purity”. What does
“absolute purity” mean? It means treating them with genuine love in Christ,
without motives or hidden intentions. Simply put, in our context, it means not
eyeing everyone you see as a potential girlfriend or boyfriend.
2.
Treat with love
1 John 4:7-12
Why?
Verse 11 “Dear friends, since God so
loved us, we also ought to love one another.”
Because of God’s love for us, we
should also love each other.
What kind of love?
Verse 10 “This is love: not that we
loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for
our sins.”
Agape love, a love that sacrifices.
We should therefore love our brothers
and sisters, showing care and concern, helping them when they are in need,
being a friend to them, not because you want to be praised or you want to be
their special friend, but because God first loved you, and you in turn are
showing them God’s love.
3.
Treat with encouragement
Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider
how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
God wants us to encourage and build
each other up in Christ. Remember the most important part of a relationship? It
needs to be Christ-centred. We should therefore always be striving to encourage
others in their walks with the Lord Jesus, continually pointing them towards
the cross, and humbly building them up, moving “toward love and good deeds.”
I think the following summarises the
three points.
Ephesians 4:29-32
Verse 29 “Do not let any unwholesome
talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up
according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Verse 32 “Be kind and compassionate
to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 5:1-2 “Be imitators of God,
therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ
loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to
God.”
We should be treating each other with
love and respect, and learning to speak words of encouragement, instead of
laughing unkindly at one another and speaking words that tear down. We are
called to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other”, and
to “live a life of love” because we are “dearly loved children” of God and this
is good and pleasing in God’s sight, proper for God’s holy people. “Whoever
does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (1 John 4:8)
If you have time, go through 2 Peter
1:3-11, specifically verses 5-9, to reinforce the importance of living a life
of love and godliness, in response to what God has done and what he has called
us to do.
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test
and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Remind the youth the importance of rejecting the ways of the world,
and to allow themselves to “be transformed by the renewing of their minds”.
Remind them that just because everyone else is doing it does not make what they
are doing right.
Exercise One
Have the youth do something special or write something encouraging
to a member of the group who is of the opposite sex. You can either get them to
draw names from a hat, or assign someone to them. If there are uneven numbers,
you can assign more than one person to them, and/or perhaps assign a leader to
do something for those who have no one.
It is more important for them to do something for a person of the
opposite gender than it is for them to receive something from someone. Those who have no one to receive from can therefore be assigned a
leader.
Everyone should have at least one person to encourage and pray for
during the week. Encourage them to continue encouraging and praying for their
assigned friend beyond the exercise (as well as all other friends in general),
so that they may grow to know one another better as friends, without having
romantic feelings involved.
Exercise Two
Pray in groups of mixed genders, taking turns to pray and to ask God
to help them learn to develop good, God-honouring friendships that are pleasing
in his sight with one another so that they can encourage one another to love and
serve God together.
Worksheet (we will try to photocopy for y'all)
10th June 2012
Name: ________________________________________
What is serious dating?
Serious dating is a relationship with a person of the opposite sex
with the end goal of
_________________________ in mind.
What about relationships?
If we mishandle our relationships with others, we will not only
cause ______________________ and
_________________, but will also ____________________________________.
The most important goal of any relationship is that God is
______________________.
Our relationships should therefore be
______________________________________.
For the individual, the first and
greatest commandment is to ________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
In a relationship, we should therefore
always encourage each other towards this goal.
Genesis 2:24 “For this reason
a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will
become one flesh.”
To me, marriage is __________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
Marriage is an institution that God created and carries with it much
responsibility. Since marriage is to be treated seriously, dating should also
be treated seriously with the same sense of responsibility.
God intends for us to have _______________________________,
____________________________
______________________________ and ________________________________________________
relationships with each other.
Relationships that are romantic in nature must therefore begin
______________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
If we do not follow ______________’s timing, there will be more pain
and trouble than is necessary.
It will also show that
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________.
(See James 4:13-17)
How do we handle members
of the opposite sex?
1.
Treat them as ______________________________
1 Timothy 5:1-2 “Do not rebuke
and older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger
men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with
absolute purity.”
God calls us to treat
others as _______________________________________________ and
with
_____________________________________________.
This means treating them _________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________.
2.
Treat with ______________________________
1 John 4:7-12
Why should we love? (Verse ________________)
_______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________.
What is love? (Verse
________________)
_______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________.
3.
Treat with
_______________________________
Hebrews 10:24 “And let us
consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
God wants us to ____________________________________ and
_________________________
______________________________________________________________________________.
Ephesians 4:29 – 5:2
We are called to ____________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
because we are dearly loved children of God.
This is good and pleasing in God’s sight, proper for
________________________________________.
(1 John 4:8)
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform
any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of
your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his
good, pleasing and perfect will.”
This week, I am going to encourage and pray for
_____________________________________, loving him/her with absolute purity,
that God may be glorified in our friendship.
God loves you!
Updated Roster from the previous time:
3. Elvie (Dating-Male/Female) 10th June
4. Joshua Tang (Dating-Falling in love?) 17th June
5. Kenn (Dating-When can i start dating?) 24th June
6. Alex (Family-Getting their act tog at home) 1st July
7. Heng Guang (Family- Inside a parent’s head) *forum 8July
8. Mund(Family- How to get them to say yes) 15 July
9. Sulin (Family- Communication) 22 July
10. Joel (Family- Living with Siblings) 29 July
11. Break before we start on the new material 5 August
12. Alden (Life of Jesus) 12 August
13. Alicia and Noel (Life of Jesus) 19 August
14. Cheryl (Life of Jesus) 26 August
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