Jesus Blog (Year 5 Leaders): Dating

Dating – falling in love?

Objective: To help the sec 3's understand the basis of dating, and what love between a couple is like, according to the Bible.

Hook (20 min): Ask the kids to name a few well know couples and ask them what they think of x and y persons dating, and the reasons why they could be in a relationship. Also ask them, if they could go out with anyone (doesn't have to be the aforementioned), who, and why? What would they do?

Pray and open the session. (5 min)

Theme verse: “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not rude, it is not proud, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always trusts, always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Main lesson: (35 min)

Question 1: When we date, what are we supposed to look for in our partner?

Some answers would be:

Looks, wealth, attraction, popularity, peer pressure, religion.

BUT....what does the Bible have to say about choosing a woman/man?

Titus 2:1-5 ESV

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

How does this differ from what the world has to say about dating?

The world's idea: attraction = love = dating = sex. Which isn't very far off from what it was supposed to be though.... and that makes it all the more confusing =( The reason why the world has this mindset, is simply because

1. The Bible doesn't explicitly say anything about dating and

2. This idea carries completely no notion of responsibility. Who doesn't want to have their cake and eat it?

However, the Bible makes it clear the qualities that we should be looking for in a person even before we consider dating. That's not to say that we need to look for perfect people, (cause we can't), but rather, we need to look for people who are willing to be a man (or woman) living the relationship that God meant.

Further verses that can guide us along are:

1 Corinthians 11:1-34 ESV

Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. Now I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you. But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Matthew 10:37

New International Version (NIV)

37 “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

This verse brings along some idea of sexism, but it isn't true at all! It merely refers to the fact that in any relationship, God has to be the basis of it all. If our potential partner cannot accept that God must come first, even over the other person, then, he/she simply isn't mature enough. I admit, I struggle with this too, but what's important is that we try.

Ezekiel 16 (The whole chapter)

The tragedy we read through the course of the chapter shows us that a relationship needs to go 2 ways, that commitment is essential in maintaining a relationship, which, sadly, is lacking in many of today's relationships =((

2 Corinthians 6:14

¹⁴ Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

This is a controversial topic today – should Christians get into a relationship with non-Christians? To some, it may seem elitist and exclusive, even discriminatory to others. But the fact of the matter is simply, if one party isn’t a Christian, it is more likely for the Christian to backslide, than for the other party to convert. This is a sad truth that is happening all around us today. It isn’t easy to walk the straight and narrow, especially when that someone special doesn’t want you to.....

So.... 3 basic things we need to look for when we date;

1. Christ-like

2. Willing to have God at the centre of your relationship.

3. Committed

It is because of these 3, that (4) comes into play. I’m not saying that we cannot date anyone but Christians, but we need to remember that our relationship with God must ultimately matter more than how we feel about “that special person”.

So then, now that we know the basics of what a Christian relationship should be like, how can we love “that special person”?

Question 2: Does dating a person mean that you love him/her? How do you know if you love someone?

The world’s idea of love is very much based on the idea of affection and feelings. This, is not wrong per se, as feelings do abound in any non-platonic relationship. However, feelings are NOT to be taken as the sole basis of love. In short, feelings ≠ love. What then, is love?

According to the Bible, love is:

Patient: How willing are you to wait for that someone, regardless of what he/she is doing?

Kind: How far would you go to aid the person?

Does not envy: When he/she becomes more successful than you, do you get jealous? How competitive are you?

Does not boast: When YOU become successful, do you gloat and put him/her down because he/she didn't match up? Do you compare?

Not rude: Do you think about his/her feelings before you talk? Do you make crude comments about/in front of him/her?

Not proud/self-seeking:Is the basis of your relationship just to make you feel good? Are you selfishly taking and not contributing to the relationship?

Not easily angered: Self-explanatory

Keeps no record of wrongs: Can you forgive the person NO MATTER what he/she has done?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth: Can the both of us commit to a life that puts God first, living and growing more in Him each day?=)

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

All of this, exemplified in Christ!=)

*Use the triangle analogy* - As we grow closer to Christ, we too, will grow closer to that special someone. That said, the reason why we grow close to God must always be because we love God. Be careful not to let your love for each other become the reason for growing to close to God, because that would put the other party at the centre of your heart, not God. It difficult to balance and handle everything, and that’s why there’s grace=) we cant do it on our own. Focusing on God, yet not letting your love for the other person distract us away from Him is really, really difficult. We tend to swing towards loving the person, rather than God, for one reason or another. Maybe tangibility, maybe a desire for satisfaction, acceptance, etc etc....

Therefore, even as we learn more about dating, and what love really is, the best example of love, is that of our Lord Jesus Christ. May we seek to grow in love with Him (and each other) each day.

Done by Joshua :)