Hey all!

Okay so before I start the lesson, here is a mini disclaimer. This entire topic is quite interesting and opinions may differ from person to person. Not all of us may agree with the lesson wholly at times, nor follow strictly to it, but still this lesson doesn’t really serve to “stop” them from dating or trying to get romantically involved (let’s face it. God’s timing can be weird at times and also well when hormones start kicking in, there’s no definite way to prevent them from dating.) But still, teach this lesson based on these few assumptions:
1. There is a really high chance that they’ll probably get or try to get into a relationship anyway. And most of them might not end with a marriage. But what we can do is to help them understand that there is a time where God has planned for us all to meet our significant other and we should learn to accept God’s timing instead of trying to rush things. Thus this lesson should, hopefully, be recalled by them when they begin wailing to God on why we’re forever alone.

2. This lesson assumes that all forms of physical contact between guys and girls should be avoided, as we people are sinners and should avoid temptation and keep our relationships holy. Yes. That includes holding hands. Just stick to this alright? No matter how much you might protest this, it’s true. Discipline is something we all think we have, but flush down the drain when the time comes anyway. So yea. ENCOURAGE them not to have physical contact. (I myself don’t really understand how this can actually work out as relationships requires some level of intimacy. In my opinion, focus on teaching them to keep the relationship holy, of which a good way is to avoid physical contact to avoid temptation)

Okay lesson starts proper.

Pray first!!!!!

Hook: The Boat Puzzle

Situation: 3 cannibals and 3 missionaries want to cross the river. They see a boat. The objective of the game is to get everyone over to the other side.

Logistics: Coins! I suggest using coins for this. Or tear paper pieces. Use something physical to play this game so that it becomes interactive. If possible, have more than one set so that more than one person can play.

Rules:
Out of all the cannibals, there is only 1 that can row the boat. All missionaries can row the boat.
The boat can only take 2 people at a time.
The number of missionaries must equal or be greater than the number of cannibals at any place

K the answer is simple:
2 cannibals row first, then the one that can row the boat rows back. Takes the other cannibal over. Thus, 3M --- 3C (3 missionaries on one side, and 3 cannibals on the other side). The cannibal that can row rows back, and stays there. 2 missionaries then row across. Thus, 1M 1C --- 2M 2C. One missionary then rows back with one cannibal. The cannibal gets off, and the cannibal that can row goes across with the missionary (1M 1C --- 2M 2C > cannibal that can row on this side now). Now the cannibal that cannot row, and a missionary brings the boat across (2M 2C --- 1M 1C > cannibal that can row). 2 missionaries go on the boat and goes over (2C --- 3M 1C). The cannibal that can row then rows back alone and takes the other cannibals to the opposite side one at a time. Voila!

Moral: This game teaches us that there is a proper order and timing to do everything, and eventually everything will be solved.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 - There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens

When it comes to dating, the verse also applies.

So we have learnt that there is nothing wrong in dating. God created Men and Women, created to be together in a permanent companionship called marriage. But when should we start to date?

Get them to sit further apart from each other and ask them to write down their answers to the following questions:
1. What age should we start dating? E.g. Lower Sec, Upper Sec, JC/Poly, Uni, Working age, never

2. What age do you think we can have a steady relationship (one that probably ends in marriage)

3. Is it alright to hold hands when dating?

4. When should your first kiss happen? E.g. First date, subsequent dates, when steady, engaged, marriage, never

Get them to share their answers and opinions. There is no right or wrong answer, but do encourage them to adopt the Christian perspective which we will be going through.

To date is to have a special time of going out with someone. So when it comes to romance, when is the right time? In shows and movies, and also around us, people are dating. Some start really young. Should we be following suit?

Romans 12:2- Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The world tells us that hey its cool to date and fun and all, and that its okay to start young. But don’t share their perspective. The growing up years should be a time to develop good, healthy friendships with members of the opposite gender. During this time, we are to learn how to interact and treat one another well, just like brother and sisters. Why? So that in the future, we are able to develop a good and strong relationship as a foundation for a good marriage.

To date someone is an indication of attraction to that person, and that you have already singled him/her out for a possible special relationship.

Why shouldn’t we date?  -Leaders, feel free to share your own perspective! Make sure its healthy.
A few reasons are:
Focus on studies
Still no job, no income
Too early to be looking at marriage
Immature (emotionally, mentally, and also might not be ready for a proper relationship)
Not spiritually ready (You have to learn to place God in the center of your life. If you can’t handle your relationship with God properly, then you probably are not ready for a relationship with a mortal too)

When should we date then?
Not anytime soon, sadly. (I would allow group dates, though)
Dating is a huge step. It is the beginning of a possible serious relationship. And we have learnt that relationships should begin with marriage in mind. Are you ready for marriage? There is NO “test water” dating. It is wrong as this kind of flirtatious dating just doesn’t end well. Neither is there flings, nor friends with benefits, nor short term relationships whatever. Christians should keep our relationships holy and Christian-like as it mirrors our relationship with God (us as the bride and God as the Groom). Without being mature spiritually emotionally or mentally, relationships form for all kinds of different, unhealthy reasons. E.g. Cos that girl/guy is chio or suai, cos all my friends got gf/bf so I lonely need one also, cos very fun what etc etc. These unhealthy reasons would also most likely lead to many complications later. Most of these relationships don’t last very long too. So forget it, save yourself the tears and pain, and wait for God to send you the right one. Seriously. (not that most of you would listen. But one day, if you ever are wailing because of a relationship ending badly, do always keep in mind that God probably has someone else in mind for you. Someone PERFECT for you J )

What about physical contact in relationships?
Avoid. Why?
While holding hands and kissing and all don’t exactly constitute sinning (erm. Assuming you are in a healthy Godly relationship), the dangers of physical contact in a relationship is that it causes a lot of temptation. From holding hands to hugging to whatever, it might end up as a physical relationship. But that is not what relationships are about. Its not about kissing, nor holding hands with someone. Relationships are about walking through life together. Sharing the happy and sad times. Not owning a portable kissing booth. But communicating, and committing to each other, and spurring on each other towards Godliness and love and good deeds. That’s the beauty of companionship. The world seems to undermine these and focus more on the physical parts, but really the best part about being in a relationship is wayyyyyyy more than that. Focus on those instead.

Recap: Focus on your relationship with God first, before you worry about dating. Don’t be pressured to rush into a relationship or start dating. Why? Because it leads to problems or painful results. Wait for God’s timing.

Don’t let your relationship develop into a physical one. If possible, avoid physical intimacy such as holding hands or kissing or whatever until marriage.

Conclusion: At this age, it is easy for our emotions to run wild. But what we want is not always what we require. We might want a relationship now now now, but is it God’s will for us to do so? God wants us to enjoy our relationship with that promised one, not have a ton of teary breakups and sinful relationships. Rest assured, that if next time you feel pressured to get into a relationship, or face problems or whatever, do keep in mind to wait for God’s perfect timing.

Question Time!!! – Get them to ask you any questions they might have about BGR. Or BBR. Or GGR. Since it’s the last lesson on this topic, encourage them to ask or forever hold their peace. Heh. Nah its better for them to clear up any doubts.

Pray! Even better. Pray for their future relationship with their future loved one. The one that God is preparing for them. That they’ll keep their relationship holy and all. J k this one controversial so up to you :D But most important is to pray!!!

done by,

Kenn