Lesson Plan – 5 Aug 2012
How to live with your siblings without tearing your hair out!

Key verse
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10

Aims

 Understand that problems between siblings are common in every family

 Realize that they can and should make the effort on their part to avoid problems / seek resolve

 Discover ways / solutions to deal with problems arising between siblings

Tuner

Think of experiences with their siblings and share the following with the group:

1. One petty / major squabble

2. One awkward / embarrassing moment (just for laughs)

3. One special /sweet moment / memory (to show appreciation)

Introduction

Read Genesis 4:1-12 (Story of Cain and Abel, please emphasize that the point of this is to show that fights and bad relationships between siblings have existed since sin entered the world and that the main point is NOT that they should get rid of your sibling to solve the problem!)

The bible records all these, not because God is happy with such actions / reactions, but to reveal the reality of possible friction and conflicts arising between family members.

It is a very normal thing for friction between siblings to arise especially so for Singaporean families where the rat-race pace of life demands of parents to juggle work and responsibilities of providing for the family while children strive to keep up with ever increasing workloads and expectations of them. In such circumstances, people tend to be driven towards instant gratification and more often than not, this leads to impatience, irritability, intolerance and bad temper.

At times, it might even feel as if they are frustrated and angry with their siblings more than they love them. However, one should always learn not to take for granted and to appreciate the privilege of having a sibling! Most importantly, they should recognize the fact that it takes two hands to clap and they too have a part to play and should put in every concise effort at improving relationships with their siblings because relationships have to be intentional and require effort to maintain!
Main content

Read Genesis 37: 1- 11 (Story about Jacob with his Father and brothers; hatred and jealousy)

1. Ask them to name the problems that they see happening between Joseph and his brothers.

2. Apart from these problems of jealousy and hatred, ask them to list out any other problems / issues (can be like favouritism, inferiority, selfishness, etc etc) they themselves faced or experienced (or from the earlier sharing that they listed out one experience)

Explain the following pointers:

1. There is no hard and fast rule to eradicate all problems or to put an end to all fights. However, they can make the effort to avoid it in the first place.

2. Understand that the relationship between them and their siblings have a direct implication with their relationship with their parents – the more they fight over ‘small things’ the more it makes their parents frustrated to have to deal with such discord.

Possible ways to avoid fights:

1. Learning to be sensitive – do not think only about themselves and their needs. For example, sometimes older siblings do not want younger ones to tag along when they hang out with their friends; or sometimes when their siblings have had a bad day at school, stay out of their way or be extra nice to them, etc.

2. Learning to give in – be willing to sacrifice a little and do not always insist on having their way.

3. Learning to share – be willing to share belongings even though it might ‘hurt’ them seeing the way their younger sibling especially, handle things.

4. Learning to pray for their siblings – pray that God will bless their siblings, guide them and show them any problems that they may have; also pray for their walk with God and that God will show both parties how to love each other.

5. Learning to stick up for their siblings – learn to stand up and protect their sibling if others are making fun of or bullying their loved ones.

6. Learning to respect their privacy and property – older siblings especially, are very particular and sensitive about their privacy and property. For example, knock before entering their room, ask before borrowing their items, etc.
7. Avoid name-calling – try to talk things out without calling each other names as it will only lead to further anger. It will result in forgetting the issue but remembering the long list of uncalled for and nasty names.

8. Avoid meaningless arguments – do not argue merely for pride as it will only result in anger and bitterness.

9. Avoid teasing – especially towards younger siblings. Learn to look after them instead of making fun of them. Exert self-control even though it might seem to be the ‘cool thing’ in front of their peers.

10. Avoid telling tales – this will build up a lot of mistrust and resentment. Talk things out between siblings before running to their parents without the full picture / story.

11. Avoid physical abuse – do not use physical force on their siblings, especially towards younger siblings. Talk to their parents and do not personally get physical.

Conclusion

What is perhaps the most important of all is prayer. God works in marvellous ways through prayer – He can cleanse all the hurts and anger in their heart as they go through tough times with their sibilngs and He can also fill their families and home with His love, peace and joy as they work on their part.

Close with sharing of how they think they can better manage conflicts with their siblings should they arise in the future or how they intend to curb such issues from rising in the first place. Pray for each other and commit their households to God, asking for the right attitudes, blessings and wisdom and guidance whenever such situation arises to be able to deal with these problems the way God would want them to, in love.